When You Don’t Know What to Feel.

What are these feelings?
They keep spinning around,
make a mess,
and even tried to banish everything away.

Is it sadness?
Is it regret?
Is it happiness?
Or is it… I don’t know.

I thought I’ve already knew everything about myself.
From head to toe,
I thought I know it all.
But, then I realized,
that I disappointed.

Am I disappointed of someone?
Or I’m the one who disappointed of myself?

I feel anger, rage.
I feel sadness, depressed.
I feel regret, guilty.
I feel I shouldn’t be like this but I didn’t know.

What it cost to be able smile at every time?
What it takes to fall in love freely without guilt?
How much do I have to pay to feel relieved and secure in any time?
Would you tell me?

I want a recipe for me to get it through even when the flower died and every soul sucked into blackhole. I want to know. I really do.